One for the books

This is easily the weirdest summer I’ve ever had.

That being said, let’s recall that I worked at Walmart full time two summers ago, and last summer I shipped out to join a hundred other crazy Christians like myself, eager to learn more about our Savior.

So, what makes this summer one for the Weird Books?

Well, for one I’m living at home, in a new town that I’d been to maybe five times on school breaks this year—a town with what Mama Wats claims is a population of a thousand people (I’m skeptical).

But that’s not the weird part.

Everyday well, Tuesday-Saturday, I wake up at 4:45am get dressed and drive 40 minutes to a neighboring town, and once I get there I get to work making doughnuts and all sorts of carb filled treats.

That’s right, I’m working at a bakery. Actually, working isn’t the right word, I’m volunteering at a bakery. Mhmm,

And friends, it’s awesome.

The “Bakery Story” is kind of a long, but the gist of it is, I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. I’m about to be a senior in college—and that’s great and all, but the closer to the outside world I get the less sure I am of what to do. And that’s when all of this happened. To make the long story even shorter I’ll get to the essence: I think I want to own a bakery. This bakery. The one I’m working at. And so far Jesus has been opening the doors for that possibility and dragging me through them.

This all leads me to say, that we have a really big God, He has been amazing me with the doors he’s opened, beckoning me on, on to faith and trust in Him. Because no matter where my life leads—it’s Him that calls me on—no matter the door He’s the one shouting my name. In this crazy life that He’s plopped me into He is in control, calming my seas, and laying out opportunities that are literally insane to anyone but Him.

So friends, what door is He calling you to right now? I hope your summers are just as crazy as mine.

Xoxo, baker girl.

Knock Knock

Does God ever knock on the door to your heart, just to say, “Where am I?” “What is currently in my place?”

I can never seem to get away from those knocks.

I like to think of myself as a pretty independent person, and along with that, a pretty strong person. But one thing I’ve learned is that you are never strong enough to handle life on your own. As a Christian that’s supposed to mean I hold fast to the Lord, but I continually find myself holding to something else…usually it’s something ‘good’ and by good I mean not necessarily an evil on its own—but if it’s taken the place of Jesus in my life, for comfort, for truth, for identity…then it’s not too good after all.

I mean, just think about that for a second; if you’re finding who you are, your worth, your truth and belief along with joy and value in one thing (mind you, that thing could be a person or a hobby or…anything really) how dangerous is that?!

Because people, things, hobbies, they let us down. And then what are we left with?

For the past year it seems I’ve been in a constant battle with the Lord, with relationships, (no I don’t mean romantically) but with friendships. I have the hardest time trusting the Lord that he will give me spiritual friendships that will encourage and point me back to him.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, you could say obsessing, but…I don’t…want to…

And the truth is, God has given me some amazing friendships with women, going to San Diego was a huge melting-of-Marissa’s-ice-block-heart experience that I will treasure forever, and this year I have been blessed with literally the best roommates I could imagine—so what’s missing? What in my heart is off?

I was thinking about this today as Mama Wats and I drove back through the winter wonderland of Iowa countryside to Shellsburg; and I realized. IDOLS.

I was reflecting on my friendships with women in the past year, and asking God, “WHY”. At one point I listed off a hefty lists of “I hate this…” la tee da.

And then, in a soft still voice I thought: “What’s more important?”

Then in a spitfire-marissa-head-voice I responded “More important than WHAT?”

“Then Me”

My head was buzzing with what that could mean, until I started thinking about my hate mantra pity party I’d just thrown and realized, I’m terrified of losing friendships or having them change, because I don’t trust God, and my identity and truth is more in these friendships and people and who they say I am, than in Jesus and who he says I am. Because of this, I repeatedly place friendships in the center of my life, and tell Jesus “hey, thanks for this friend, but now I got it, mmk?” And every time I do the earth starts to rumble and the walls start to crumble—because God isn’t satisfied with me being kind of okay, and content to rely on things that will fail.

For we have a God who isn’t content to let us stay in our box of comfort, to stay in the drowsiness of sleep. We are meant to be alive. And we are meant to have him.

“And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.” Ephesians 2:22

So I guess, I’m reminded of Exodus 20:3 “You shall have no other gods before me.”

I don’t believe God gave the Israelites the Ten Commandments to be a buzz kill. I believe he gave them because he loved them, and knew what was best—he knows how idols fail and how they steal our hearts and attention from him. He knows that putting our faith in anything but him will leave us in the wake of disaster.

So, friends, I ask for prayer, that the Lord will turn my heart towards him, that when I sway he will draw me back, and that my heart will be softened and made stronger in the process—that my trust in the Lord would grow because of his faithfulness.

And I’ll leave you with a song that basically wraps up my entire life in a nutshell, anyone remember Barlow Girl?! This was my preteen anthem: