One for the books

This is easily the weirdest summer I’ve ever had.

That being said, let’s recall that I worked at Walmart full time two summers ago, and last summer I shipped out to join a hundred other crazy Christians like myself, eager to learn more about our Savior.

So, what makes this summer one for the Weird Books?

Well, for one I’m living at home, in a new town that I’d been to maybe five times on school breaks this year—a town with what Mama Wats claims is a population of a thousand people (I’m skeptical).

But that’s not the weird part.

Everyday well, Tuesday-Saturday, I wake up at 4:45am get dressed and drive 40 minutes to a neighboring town, and once I get there I get to work making doughnuts and all sorts of carb filled treats.

That’s right, I’m working at a bakery. Actually, working isn’t the right word, I’m volunteering at a bakery. Mhmm,

And friends, it’s awesome.

The “Bakery Story” is kind of a long, but the gist of it is, I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. I’m about to be a senior in college—and that’s great and all, but the closer to the outside world I get the less sure I am of what to do. And that’s when all of this happened. To make the long story even shorter I’ll get to the essence: I think I want to own a bakery. This bakery. The one I’m working at. And so far Jesus has been opening the doors for that possibility and dragging me through them.

This all leads me to say, that we have a really big God, He has been amazing me with the doors he’s opened, beckoning me on, on to faith and trust in Him. Because no matter where my life leads—it’s Him that calls me on—no matter the door He’s the one shouting my name. In this crazy life that He’s plopped me into He is in control, calming my seas, and laying out opportunities that are literally insane to anyone but Him.

So friends, what door is He calling you to right now? I hope your summers are just as crazy as mine.

Xoxo, baker girl.

Knock Knock

Does God ever knock on the door to your heart, just to say, “Where am I?” “What is currently in my place?”

I can never seem to get away from those knocks.

I like to think of myself as a pretty independent person, and along with that, a pretty strong person. But one thing I’ve learned is that you are never strong enough to handle life on your own. As a Christian that’s supposed to mean I hold fast to the Lord, but I continually find myself holding to something else…usually it’s something ‘good’ and by good I mean not necessarily an evil on its own—but if it’s taken the place of Jesus in my life, for comfort, for truth, for identity…then it’s not too good after all.

I mean, just think about that for a second; if you’re finding who you are, your worth, your truth and belief along with joy and value in one thing (mind you, that thing could be a person or a hobby or…anything really) how dangerous is that?!

Because people, things, hobbies, they let us down. And then what are we left with?

For the past year it seems I’ve been in a constant battle with the Lord, with relationships, (no I don’t mean romantically) but with friendships. I have the hardest time trusting the Lord that he will give me spiritual friendships that will encourage and point me back to him.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, you could say obsessing, but…I don’t…want to…

And the truth is, God has given me some amazing friendships with women, going to San Diego was a huge melting-of-Marissa’s-ice-block-heart experience that I will treasure forever, and this year I have been blessed with literally the best roommates I could imagine—so what’s missing? What in my heart is off?

I was thinking about this today as Mama Wats and I drove back through the winter wonderland of Iowa countryside to Shellsburg; and I realized. IDOLS.

I was reflecting on my friendships with women in the past year, and asking God, “WHY”. At one point I listed off a hefty lists of “I hate this…” la tee da.

And then, in a soft still voice I thought: “What’s more important?”

Then in a spitfire-marissa-head-voice I responded “More important than WHAT?”

“Then Me”

My head was buzzing with what that could mean, until I started thinking about my hate mantra pity party I’d just thrown and realized, I’m terrified of losing friendships or having them change, because I don’t trust God, and my identity and truth is more in these friendships and people and who they say I am, than in Jesus and who he says I am. Because of this, I repeatedly place friendships in the center of my life, and tell Jesus “hey, thanks for this friend, but now I got it, mmk?” And every time I do the earth starts to rumble and the walls start to crumble—because God isn’t satisfied with me being kind of okay, and content to rely on things that will fail.

For we have a God who isn’t content to let us stay in our box of comfort, to stay in the drowsiness of sleep. We are meant to be alive. And we are meant to have him.

“And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.” Ephesians 2:22

So I guess, I’m reminded of Exodus 20:3 “You shall have no other gods before me.”

I don’t believe God gave the Israelites the Ten Commandments to be a buzz kill. I believe he gave them because he loved them, and knew what was best—he knows how idols fail and how they steal our hearts and attention from him. He knows that putting our faith in anything but him will leave us in the wake of disaster.

So, friends, I ask for prayer, that the Lord will turn my heart towards him, that when I sway he will draw me back, and that my heart will be softened and made stronger in the process—that my trust in the Lord would grow because of his faithfulness.

And I’ll leave you with a song that basically wraps up my entire life in a nutshell, anyone remember Barlow Girl?! This was my preteen anthem:

Power of Prayer

13 days left my friends. 13 is a terrible number.

Like I said in my last post, my heart feels heavy that we’ll be leaving soon. But God is continuing to give me some of the greatest joys each and everyday, this past week has been such a blessing to my heart! Nearly each morning has been spent with several of my roommates and I on the couch talking, laughing, and taking weird personality quizzes (I need to know what grade I’m in mentally, which btw happens to be 5^th, although age wise I’m a whopping 68!) These silly moments will be cherished for years to come.

This past week, God has been hitting me over the head by showing me my own foolishness. And that’s what I’m writing about today! (YAY)

I’ve learned so many things this summer; I’ve learned to approach people and talk about the Gospel, to study the word, to invest in the lives of others, and to play Can’t help falling in love with you on the ukulele!

But one thing that has been missing is an active prayer life. I mean, I pray everyday…once…before I read the bible, and that’s basically it. I don’t engage with the Lord mentally after that. It’s something that I was completely unaware of either, which is pretty scary.

All the students here have been separated into several ministry teams, one of which is prayer team. Earlier this week I found myself thinking Prayer team? Lame. And then I was mentally slapped with a 2x4 and told TAKE A SEAT by Jesus. Because, in truth, what could be more important? It was like God asked me: Explain to me, Marissa Kaye Watson, what is more important than seeking time with me, and conversing with me? Explain to me how you want me to minister to your heart when you refuse to seek me in this most privileged of ways?

And that blew me over, from my nice little seat of self-righteousness, where Marissa is the queen of the world. I repeatedly find myself saying things like “prayer is powerful” but not actively participating in prayer, I find myself wishing things would happen, instead of diligently going to the Lord with my hopes. I find myself trying to fit pieces together instead of asking God for insight. And I find myself pushing God off the throne of my life and placing myself there instead. Because prayer is putting yourself in a place of humility, it’s humbleness in action; when you pray you’re admitting that you DON’T have it all figured out, that you need help, that you need answers, that you need God.

I get asked frequently what people can be praying for me for, and regularly I have no answer, because I myself haven’t been in prayer—because I believe I can handle life. And the truth is, I can’t, I haven’t met a single person who can handle life. We always need something to take our minds off of things. Because life was never meant to be lived by us alone, it was made to be lived in communion with the Lord. And if it isn’t being lived that way, then it’s being filled by everything else.

I guess my question to anyone reading this is: What are you filling your life with? Do you depend on other people to fulfill you? To reassure you of your worth? Do you depend on excitement and fun? Parties, Concerts, Vacations? Is that what you live for? Because in the end, when you live day to day for the next fun thing, that isn’t living at all.

Even as a Christian, sometimes I find myself in this rut of living for myself, trying to puzzle piece importance and value into my own heart. And in the end, I just need to pray. Because no one can quiet my heart, dispel my worries and fill me with love, but the Lord. That’s what my heart was made for, to have a relationship with Christ, to let go of my own self, and to be clothed in His righteousness. And the first step to doing this is by seeking time with Him, in prayer, continually.

So for any readers, that’s where I need prayer, that God would continue to reveal my great need for him. Because that need is great, even when I don’t see it.

They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, "Sit here while I pray."

Mark 14:32

If Jesus needed to seek the Father in prayer, then I definitely need to.

Nebraska girl, in love with California…well, sort of.

I can’t believe I’ve been here for 6 weeks, only 4 left, and already my heart feels the weight to come. Ya know I heard all about summer projects (especially the San Diego one) before coming here, I’d heard how awesome and fun and cool they are. But I don’t think I’d ever heard how truly transforming they are.

Not to say I’m a different person, but my life is already different. I’m not fixed, actually, one thing this experience has shown me is that I’m more broken than I ever could’ve imagined. John Piper has a quote:

“God is always doing 10,000 things in your life, and you may be aware of 3 of them.”

No joke, my breath has been taken away again and again at the reminder that God loves me and that’s the big picture. But I struggle with…God loves you. But I don’t do…God loves you. But I don’t think…He loves you. And that’s it. You never get past that. Day in day out, no matter what, that’s the point.

This summer I’ve been reading through Isaiah, and God has continued to point out his plan from the very beginning. His plan wasn’t ruined by Adam and Eve’s choices. His plan from the beginning was to die on the cross, to free the captives and to be acknowledged and praised by all peoples because he is worthy.

I don’t know about you, but that is freaking. Awesome.

But, back to the beginning, along with continual epiphanies and heart wrenching realizations. I’ve come to love California—not exactly the state, honestly (and don’t hate me for this) I miss my cornfields and cows, I miss John C. Fremont Days, and the buzz of a window air conditioning unit.

But if you would’ve told me that I would fall in love with people I’d never met and happily live with 13 other females all under 20, sharing 2 bathrooms and 1 fridge. I probably would’ve laughed.

Then again, God’s funny that way.

I am in love with some of the most beautiful people in the world. Young men who desire to grow in their relationship with Christ, to look more like him daily, rejecting passivity and growing in truth. Young women who are strong, wise, lively, with the most tender beautiful hearts you could imagine seeking to grow more in love with their Savior everyday. How could the idea of leaving not weigh on my heart?

With these thoughts, Acts came to mind,

            Acts 2:44 “And all who believed were together and had all things in common”

But jump to chapter 8, and the believers are persecuted and scattered—Because that’s God’s plan—to spread his good news to all people.

           

I ask that if you read this, you’d be keeping us all in your prayers, because that’s what’s going to happen for all of us on SDSP, we’ll be scattered, returning to our homes, schools, jobs; and we’re taking all we’re learning here with us. Pray that God would continue to stretch us while we’re here and continue to grow us in this beautiful community, impacting San Diego and our own hearts.

I ask specifically that you’d be praying for Wayne, that God would create revival, that we wouldn’t be just staying afloat, but that his Spirit would be thriving there—impacting the campus and the town. That men and women would be willing to let God use them, to take us further than we ever imagined possible.

In the wake of leaving San Diego, I was reminded today that my God is greater than any circumstance. That the amazing experience I’m having here isn’t a once in a lifetime thing—this community is not made out of luck or a ‘good group’ it’s made because of Him.

And he has an awesome plan.

“Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you.”

            Isaiah 60:1

The Case of the Wallet Napper

Some days you wake up, and life is awesome.

And then there are days when you wake up, and life sucks—and you can say “NO LIFE! THIS DAY IS GONNA ROCK” Because, I didn’t wake up and brush my teeth for this day to be anything but rad.

This beautiful morning in San Diego, I woke up at 6:30, made some coffee, and started journaling. I was interrupted by a frazzled Abby asking me to drive her to work. I ran to grab my wallet, but couldn’t find it anywhere. So, in an act of ‘just in case’ I checked my bank account.

Duh duh duhhhhhh.

Le bank account vas empty.

Well that’s unfortunate. Were my first thoughts I’m pretty sure.

And then I was presented with a choice.

1)   Call mom and freak out.

2)   Be an adult and handle it.

Long story short, I called my bank, and the DMV, and Mama Wats, and life goes on. But one incredible part of this whole ordeal is what a difference God makes in the choices we make. I could freak out and get upset because someone stole my money. Or I can remember, that Jesus gave everything for me; I can manage losing some money with grace.

After dropping Abby off at work I continued journaling, and I think I should share this specifically:

Thank you so much Father, that money is not my God—it will never care for me, it does not protect me, it does not provide for me. It is an abundance given from my King’s provision. And I thank you, that that is all it is!

To be real, the only downer on this day so far is that the wallet was a gift from the coolest big sister ever, it was one of those wallets that if you open it one way the straps look a certain way, but if you flip it the other way they change, and it was awesome.

So family, friends, if you’re wondering what I’m up to here, I’m learning about my Savior, volunteering, and losing wallets mostly.

God Bless,

Ris

SDSP Road Trip News!

Happy summer of 2014 everybody!

As many of you know, I am currently in San Freaking Diego! Why? For a missions project through Campus Crusade! Back in January I said goodbye to my home-body-self, and decided to apply to the 10-week trip to San Diego; where I would learn practical evangelism techniques, and what it looks like to live a life devoted to Christ.

I’ve been here for just over a week and already I’ve felt some big changes in my own heart.

I’m really bad about writing details after-the-fact, but I’ll start with the road-trip I took to get here:

I set off early in the morning on Saturday the 24^th of May, to meet up with the other three members of our caravan. Shortly after our trip began, voxer (walkie talkie app) was downloaded, and codenames were given.

Marissa’s car aka molly aka The White Stallion

Levi’s car aka The Black Pearl

Pez aka The Scorpion King

Levi aka The Bald Eagle turned Great Blue Heron

Marissa aka Ritzcracker (never have I been called ritzcracker since gaining the name)

Mirrya aka Mayonnaise

Our voyage began! On our first day we drove close to 12 or so (seemed like 80 to me) hours, past Denver to Grand Junction, CO. It was pretty awesome, like, I mean AWEsome, driving through the Rocky Mountains was incredible. Nothing makes you feel so small as standing next to a MOUNTAIN.

And then there was the time where once it got dark out, on winding mountain roads a flash snowstorm happened, that was terrifying. But the Lord definitely watched over us through it all, and we safely made it to our first stop. Which, btdubs, had NO continental breakfast (what is the point of a hotel without it!?)

On our second day we drove through Utah and part of Arizona. Utah was beautiful, and Arizona is a desert…like an actual desert…But ya know what’s in the desert!? It’s pretty…GRAND. We made a slight detour to visit that Grand ol’ Canyon; but first story time!

The tale of how Mirrya missed the Grand Canyon and all it’s Grandness:

The fair maiden Marissa lofted her delicate finger in the direction of a mountain range not far off, “My dearest Mirrya, be that the canyon we seek?”

“I am confident in my navigational abilities fair maiden Marissa, and do not need your help, so I shall heed not your excellent advice. Also, tis a canyon we seek, not mountainous ranges.”

“Since you are so wise, Maid Mirrya, I will heed your choice.” Answered the lovely Maid Marissa.

20 minutes later, as their carriage hurdled down the highway at an intense speed, Lady Mirrya speaks, “Uh oh”

“What is it?” Lovely fair and beautiful Marissa asks.

“I think I missed the turn-off” states Mirrya.

*retraces route to turn off of mountain range*

*where entrance to the Grand Canyon happens to be*

*where Marissa said it was in the first place*

And that is the tale of how Mirrya managed to miss the Grand Canyon, despite it’s being enormous. Be that as it may, we made it, and it was incredible.

The End.

Well, for that night anyway, the next day we made it to San Diego, and it’s pretty beautiful. I’m missing my big trees with lots of leaves and the smell of fresh cut grass. But the Ocean is amazing, I stood next to it once and it came up and touched me—we are not friends so far, but I have a couple more weeks to venture in!

I’m sorry this was pretty sporadic, but I’m hoping to update ya’ll some more soon. Thank you to all who’ve prayed and supported me thus far, keep the prayers coming, they are powerful!

Peace and Blessin’s,

Marissa

 Not impressed... (JUST KIDDING)