13 days left my friends. 13 is a terrible number.
Like I said in my last post, my heart feels heavy that we’ll
be leaving soon. But God is continuing to give me some of the greatest joys
each and everyday, this past week has been such a blessing to my heart! Nearly
each morning has been spent with several of my roommates and I on the couch
talking, laughing, and taking weird personality quizzes (I need to know what
grade I’m in mentally, which btw happens to be 5th, although age
wise I’m a whopping 68!) These silly moments will be cherished for years to
come.
This past week, God has been hitting me over the head by
showing me my own foolishness. And that’s what I’m writing about today! (YAY)
I’ve learned so many things this summer; I’ve learned to
approach people and talk about the Gospel, to study the word, to invest in the
lives of others, and to play Can’t help
falling in love with you on the ukulele!
But one thing that has been missing is an active prayer
life. I mean, I pray everyday…once…before I read the bible, and that’s
basically it. I don’t engage with the Lord mentally after that. It’s something
that I was completely unaware of either, which is pretty scary.
All the students here have been separated into several
ministry teams, one of which is prayer team. Earlier this week I found myself
thinking Prayer team? Lame. And then
I was mentally slapped with a 2x4 and told TAKE
A SEAT by Jesus. Because, in truth, what could be more important? It was
like God asked me: Explain to me, Marissa
Kaye Watson, what is more important than seeking time with me, and conversing
with me? Explain to me how you want me to minister to your heart when you
refuse to seek me in this most privileged of ways?
And that blew me over, from my nice little seat of
self-righteousness, where Marissa is the queen of the world. I repeatedly find
myself saying things like “prayer is powerful” but not actively participating
in prayer, I find myself wishing things would happen, instead of diligently
going to the Lord with my hopes. I find myself trying to fit pieces together
instead of asking God for insight. And I find myself pushing God off the throne
of my life and placing myself there instead. Because prayer is putting yourself
in a place of humility, it’s humbleness in action; when you pray you’re
admitting that you DON’T have it all figured out, that you need help, that you
need answers, that you need God.
I get asked frequently what people can be praying for me
for, and regularly I have no answer, because I myself haven’t been in
prayer—because I believe I can handle life. And the truth is, I can’t, I
haven’t met a single person who can handle life. We always need something to
take our minds off of things. Because life was never meant to be lived by us
alone, it was made to be lived in communion with the Lord. And if it isn’t
being lived that way, then it’s being filled by everything else.
I guess my question to anyone reading this is: What are you
filling your life with? Do you depend on other people to fulfill you? To
reassure you of your worth? Do you depend on excitement and fun? Parties,
Concerts, Vacations? Is that what you live for? Because in the end, when you
live day to day for the next fun thing, that isn’t living at all.
Even as a Christian, sometimes I find myself in this rut of
living for myself, trying to puzzle piece importance and value into my own
heart. And in the end, I just need to pray. Because no one can quiet my heart,
dispel my worries and fill me with love, but the Lord. That’s what my heart was
made for, to have a relationship with Christ, to let go of my own self, and to
be clothed in His righteousness. And the first step to doing this is by seeking
time with Him, in prayer, continually.
So for any readers, that’s where I need prayer, that God
would continue to reveal my great need for him. Because that need is great,
even when I don’t see it.
They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, "Sit here while I pray."
Mark 14:32
If Jesus needed to seek the Father in prayer, then I definitely need to.
On a lighter note, mini update on my life to wrap this whole
thing up!
-I accomplished one of my greatest goals in coming to San
Diego this week! It was a little operation I like to call: Code name, pee in the ocean. And I did, so just remember, anyone who
goes swimming in the ocean; I left a little present for ya’ll there.
-Also, let my roommate pierce my ear—ran into a screen door
in the process.
-Started to sneak attack hug Mirrya when she least expects
it, she loves it…
Thanks for taking the time to read this,
God bless,
-Ris
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